I still can not believe I had a major stroke in August. My body is coming along but I am still not all there. I am very lucky I was able to do all my own physical therapy and speech therapy. I am getting my words and my voice back. I am able to have longer conversations without interruption like I was having. I am not stuttering at all.
I had to take matters into my own hands since the TWO Neurologists I see are both extremely freaked out by my body. No kidding. My regular Neuro did not show up for my appointment. The second Neurologist said he doesnt even know what to do because he has never seen Parkinsons’s symptoms in someone my age. So we have been waiting since August to get in with the Muhammad Ali Parkinsons Center at Barrow’s Neurological Institute in Phoenix.
The Parkinson’s center just happens to be here in Phoenix where I live so we do not have to travel out of State for that appointment. We will have to travel to Connecticut for my MALS surgery if we choose to take that road which I may be closer to taking. My boyfriend and I talked and with his help and my parents help we may be able to make the trip so I can have MALS surgery. As of now, I am continuing weekly Celiac Plexus Blocks. I am on number 28. I would love to find another person who has had as many Blocks that I have. So far, they do not exist.
The Celiac Plexus Blocks are reserved for end state pancreatic cancer patients to keep them comfortable until the inevitble occurs. In my situation, I do not have pancreatic cancer but the pain is just as bad so the blocks work the same way. I do get a week now or two weeks of pain free eating. I was able to go over a month in between the last series of blocks. The longest I have gone. I had a series of three the last three weeks and this week I am already feeling the pain and we are on Wednesday. I ate the most amount of food I have eaten this past three months than I was able to eat my whole life. I gained a lot of weight. A lot. But I keep trying to tell myself I need that weight to sustain my lifestyle for a while. My boyfriend travels for work and he has some amazing trips coming up that I can go on. One of those places happens to be France. I have been begging and praying for a way to get to France and here comes Prince Charming as Matt, my boyfriend, and he sweeps me off my feet. Then he tells me he’s taking me to France. I mean how can it get any better!!!
My stroke recovery led me to a life I always wanted but thought I would never have. I’m Taking it easy, resting and enjoying waking up each day to a handsmome, loving man. That man has eased my sadness, calmed my pain and allowed my body to learn that it can relax and rest. My hair is growing back and strong and healthy. He reminds me that I am pretty even when I do not feel pretty at all. My body is a hot mess from gaining weight but he still tells me I am beautiful. He knows my struggle and he knows that I need the weight so he doesn’t judge me or make me feel bad about myself. He is my voice when all I hear are bad voices in my head. When the noise gets too loud I reach out for his hand and kiss his lips for the breath. He brings me back to life and stops all the noise.
Since I had a stroke my brain has been noisy. I do not know the exact word to use to describe what I deal with but it is though There is a movie playing in my head and it gets louder and louder and just when I think it quiets down something else turns on. It just repeats over and over again. I try to mediTate to calm my brain, I try to read and I write and that all helps but it is not a cure. My hands moves a lot these days As well as my body is extremely tired after just doing the simplest of tasks.
I am proud to stay I had a stroke and I am done my own therapy to recover from the stroke I had in August. My heart is still needing some tlc and my brain is bouncing back But as I mentioned if I can fight off the fatigue and keep my body moving I feel my best but there definitely are days that I need to rest.
I appreciate all of the love and support during these past six months. It has been some of the worst days of my life but I made it through and am getting happier and back to my normal self each day. That is what is the most important factor.