Disability was denied. Partially disabled confirmed.

Well I got the dreaded disability denial letter. The judge was not in my favor at all and thought since I gained weight I recovered from MALS. Hence, I have not had surgery for MALS and the only thing working for the pain is pancreatic cancer treatments I would have to say she is just not informed of what I really am going through. She was more concerned about my shoulder replacement then she was anything else.

I answered her questions in regards to it but I was totally confused as to why she even was focusing on it when my disability was filed for MALS and the pancreas and the liver and the neurological dysfunction in my body. Who knows. My lawyer said he had a great feeling that we were going to win but sure enough, as my life goes, I was denied. Now my option is to refile all over again. And then wait. Again.

I have returned to work part time as a server! I work at a local Italian restaurant three days a week, short hours, but it gives me some money in my pocket. I figured it was better than sitting at home and all the walking and moving is good for me. Yeah some days I am in pain while working but after a while I forget about it. I always feel a little better too from all the movement. I truly do enjoy working. It feels good to make my own money and not have to rely on disability. I just hope I do not have to miss much work when I have surgery, if I have surgery. It may not happen but I am being optimistic.

I look back on how much disability affected my life. While waiting I had to move home with my parents. I lost almost everything I owned because I had to sell it all or just give it away because I had no where to put things. I could not work because I was so sick. I had no money and my mental health became so bad I had a mental breakdown on a few occasions. It was a mess. I was a mess. My fiance coming along saved my life. He gave me a reason to live. A home. A safe space to heal and rest. He gave me love. Life became so much easier when Matt became a part of my life.

Though I was denied life sure has been much better from last year. Looking back and reading my blogs I have come a long way. Being told I had so many illnesses and not knowing why was becoming draining and exhausting. Now that I am diagnosed with MALS it is even more of a relief. Though I am still disabled and have a limited lifestyle my mental health is better and getting better over time. I no longer have to fight and argue and feel sadness over my pain and suffering. I may not have won disability but I got a new start once I was denied.

I am not sure if I will reapply or not. I really enjoy my job but I am concerned about surgery and how long I will be out for. Financially it will hurt us for me to lose my job but we will survive. I plan to work and save as much as I can which means no more purses and shopping and I need to cut down on eating out but we, I, have survived worse. Disability being approved would have been a great help and huge relief plus it would have given me life long health care no matter my circumstances. There are so many opportunities for you when you are on disability they even have programs to help you launch your own business so that you can earn money, an amount they set but it is still a great program. The health care would have been the best opportunity for me as my future is never clear and I always need to be covered and am UN-insurable through private insurance. Go figure.

For now, I will take it day by day and cross each hurdle as they come for the rest of my life. For now, life is pretty decent. I have pain control. I great part time job. An amazing fiance and am the closest I have ever been to my parents. It took a very long time to get here and I am going to cherish the moments.